To love is a gift, and to witness something in someone, worthy of our hearts’ praise, is an even greater gift. Until one day, it so happened that I realised the love I had to give was not reciprocated. It was more painful than I expected! But working through loss and going through a couple of days of emotional breakdown, it turned out to be quite empowering.
Out of nowhere this person came into my life. All seemed beautiful! It felt like finally God heard my prayers. I began to take everything as a sign…when I read a passage from the Bible, or heard a worship song, I took it as an affirmation. Even the observation from the friends who knew us seemed to confirm it. The overwhelming peace I experienced when I met this person was undeniable.
But sometimes there’s no expectation of how someone would respond when we love/like them. And when the response was no longer mutual, I remember I got into my room, sunk to the floor, and sobbed. Not only over the loss of a dream, but also from the very real fear that came with my realisation, that the sense of “knowing” what God wants from me, had been wrong.
My rhetorical question was, why would God place so much belief and certainty in something that was not meant to be?
This was a question I spent hours and days trying to answer, trying to reconcile my understanding of God’s promises with the reality that was currently in front of me. This began to rock my faith because I began to doubt whether what I thought was God speaking to me had actually been him at all. Whether I was merely imposing my own will and just making up what I had believed was God speaking to me.
I recently shared this fear with a friend and she, with her usual patience and wisdom, responded with “Do not be afraid! Remember this: God works slowly and in silence. Don’t forget this! And every time you feel alone and sad, remind yourself of this again. Right now you will not understand, but keep it in your heart. When you look back you will see how God was working in silence. He will never let you down! He will never leave you!”
This delivered God’s gentle comfort. It felt like healing balm on my heart. It was this realisation that God’s plan for my life is not what I believed it was.
As we find in the book of Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” It is this awareness that our loving Father knows every aspect of our hearts and lives - that He is able to see the full story that is far beyond our own understanding.
This doesn’t mean that God’s promises to us will not be fulfilled, but on the contrary it’s a whole hearted embrace in the trust and belief that the desires of our hearts are always guiding us towards, something greater than what we could imagine.
God is working, even in the moments when it seems like every part of your life is falling apart. Abba cares for us! So I dare you to become a child again and allow yourself to fall into His arms. And while you’re safely sitting there, look out in confident expectation as your beautiful story, that Abba has written for you, begins to unfold before your eyes.
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